I woke up at 5h30 and heard the rain pattering on my tent. Any form of wetness is a good enough excuse, so I went back to bed. At 6 I woke again and packed up. Something instantly felt off. Last night I suddenly realized I was crying without knowing why and it felt like it wasn’t over yet. This was going to be a shitty morning.
Over the course of the next few hours, I burst into tears at random times. Nothing bad had happened, but I felt awful. The PCT didn’t matter anymore, nothing mattered. I just wanted to lie on the ground and curl into a ball, waiting for everything to go away. I tried to push through it though and just kept walking. At noon it got slightly better, again without discernible reason. Just one of those days. When a dark cloud hangs in my head and no one can blow it away, regardless how hard they try.
The others understood and gave me space. When I felt good enough again, Mash offered me one of his weed gummies. I took it and soon after, my mind wandered far far away, while my legs kept moving, seemingly of their own accord. The storm, which had been predicted, broke loose. In the distance, we heard thunder and before long, rain and hail fell from the looming clouds above us. I stood underneath a tree and watched as the intensity increased, very high and bewildered.
It didn’t last long and as it died down, I moved on. At camp I saw Veto’s group again, we’d met them briefly in Yosemite Valley, when they came to set up camp. We’re almost at a 1000 miles, I can scarcely believe it. At our next stop, Kennedy Meadows North, we can drop off our bear can. It’ll be a relief to hike with a light pack again. Tomorrow will be better, I can feel it.
